“Thank you Shelley. [Name] went from "I'm not going to talk to anyone" to "When can I see Shelley?". She is also talking about her feelings more now and is less sad when we talk about her Dad. You are a blessing"— Mum of a 9 year old client
Support for children and teenagers
My primary focus is to provide vital support directly to children and teenagers who have been affected by suicide. My approach, mattering-reinforcing care, recognises that children only experience behaviours intended to be caring, as care, if they reinforce that they matter. Thus, I work with children and teenagers to understand their unique mattering and support needs. Through the use of activities (for those who want to do an activity), I provide a safe, comfortable and confidential environment. Sessions are client-led, with the focus being on whatever the young person feels will be most helpful for them, at that time. I meet my clients where they are at. They are the experts in their grief, and their support needs. I ask, rather than assume to know what they most need or what might be most helpful for them, at that time.
Support is also provided, at their pace. Sometimes, clients are keen to share what they’re feeling, thinking or experiencing, at our first meeting. For others, this can take a little longer. What I consistently hear, is that the young people value being able to be with someone else who ‘gets it’.
Some of the topics that frequently come up during sessions with young people include:
understanding grief - what is grief? why do I feel this way? will I always feel this bad?
naming and knowing what to do when feelings storms (big feelings) happen, including practical things they can try when this happens while at school
exploring the impact of what has happened, on friendships and relationships with others, and identifying their support crew
addressing common questions and worries (in an age appropriate way) - what is suicide? why do people kill themselves? was it my fault? does this mean others I love are now going to do the same?
knowing how to respond to dumb or hurtful stuff others say to them
identifying ways they can help themselves (knowing what is helpful vs. unhelpful for them)
conversations about ‘being normal’ - why can ‘being normal’ feel so important? what does ‘normal’ mean now?
learning tools to navigate tricky situations e.g. knowing what to say when others want to talk about their loved one, when they don’t
learning (cool) ways to continue to feel close to their loved one / have an ongoing relationship
knowing it’s okay to still have fun.
Support for parents and caregivers
Firstly, I want to acknowledge how tough it is to be supporting a child, when you are grieving, yourself. I am very aware, when parents reach out to me seeking support for their child/ren, that most will be grieving themselves, also.
Given this, the support I provide to parents is often a combination of support and guidance around how best to support those in your care (based on what my research found to be most helpful and unhelpful when supporting children after a suicide) - yet also support for you, in your own grief.
That said, I am always led by my clients. You may have a specific need or question that requires a one-off session, you might choose to dip in and out of support, as needed, or you may want ongoing, regular support - whatever you need.
Questions and topics frequently discussed during support sessions with parents and carers include:
how to talk to children about suicide - how and how much do I tell them?
understanding children’s grief, and how this differs from adults’ grief
what children affected by suicide want parents/carers to know about how they want to be supported (based on research)
tools for knowing how you can best support your child
supporting your child return to school
how can I support myself? - explore your own needs and identify what is helpful/unhelpful for you.