About me

Let’s start with what is most important … I am married to Paul, with four gorgeous children, Alex, Andre, Brooke and Carley, aged 16 to 31 years. My family is my constant reminder of matters most to me.

Professionally, I am a researcher, educator, author and owner of a private practice in Wellington, New Zealand (although I work with children, nationally, and adult clients globally). I also recently founded Tony’s Place Charitable Trust (known as Tony’s Place - visit www.tonysplace.org.nz ), which provides a range of suicide specific support options for children, teens and adults.

I have a PhD in Health. My PhD research focused on the care and support experiences of New Zealand children bereaved by suicide, aged 6 to 13 years. I sought to understand what children experience as helpful and unhelpful care and support, and what they consider ‘ideal’ support to look like, following the suicide of someone close to them. This new knowledge lead me to develop a new approach to working with children affected by suicide; mattering-reinforcing care. I have over 20 years experience working with and supporting people affected by suicide, one-on-one and in groups.

My approach

Regarded as a global authority in the field of children’s postvention (care and support after suicide), my approach, mattering-reinforcing care, is based on my own (world-first) research with suicide bereaved children. In practical terms, I work with children in a way that:

  • recognises each child as being the expert in their grief and support needs

  • Is activity-based, child-centric and at their pace

  • is based on a genuine connection

  • ensures the child feels safe, seen and heard

  • is responsive to each child’s unique and fluctuating support needs.

Although my research has focussed understanding children’s care and support experiences, I work with children, teenagers and adults.

I work to the same code of ethics as counsellors do, although I am not a counsellor. I provide a research-informed, client-centric, alternative to counselling (and activity-based, with young-people).

My mission

My mission is to ensure those affected by suicide - regardless of age - have access to the right support, for them.

Support options

I provide a range of support options.

Through my own practice, you can access one-on-one coaching and support, education and training, and access to the free online video library. Having the library means that even if you choose not to, or can’t access, one-on-one support, you can still access free support and help.

Through Tony’s Place charitable trust (www.tonysplace.org.nz), established in memory of my dad, you can also access free group education and support programmes and a range of resources.

My why (my story)

People often ask me why I choose to work in this area.

I was 12 years of age when my father suicided. I remember the day vividly. I recall initially being told that my father had had ‘an accident’ and that he would be okay… as though I was too young to realise that the strange-looking long charcoal-coloured vehicle on our driveway was a hearse.  I knew my Dad wasn’t okay. And I would soon learn that it was no accident.

At the age of 42 years, my Dad, Anthony (Tony) Heard, ended his own life.  By all accounts my father was a successful, well-liked and hugely-respected man. He was the Assistant General Manager of a major bank and was heavily involved in the local Rotary community. More importantly, he was a much-loved husband of 17 years and father of two girls.  

No one had any idea that there was anything wrong.

Given my father’s death, I grew up with a real curiosity, a need to understand this thing called ‘suicide’. Why? Why do some people take their own lives? And, why do those left behind do as they do in response? Even within my own small family we all reacted and responded to my father’s death so very differently – and are in very different places in relation to our grief now, almost 40 years on.  What is it about coping with the suicide of a loved one that allows some people to be able to find ways of carrying on and still live happy and fulfilling lives, while others seemingly stay ‘stuck’ in their grief?  These are just some of the questions I spent many of my teenage years contemplating, and my adult years finding answers to.

My Dad is the reason I do, what I do, and why it matters to me that children affected by suicide (and those caring for them) receive the support they need, and deserve.

I love sweet peas. They remind me of my father. I remember as a young child, every autumn my Dad and I would plant sweet pea seeds in the garden outside my bedroom window. He would water them every night and eventually they would produce the most gorgeous, colourful display.

It's now been almost 40 years since my father suicided. The sweet peas beside his headstone are from me. Now I plant sweet peas for my own children to enjoy... from both of us.